The autumn is falling
I started work on The autumn is falling in the winter of 2004 and finished in the summer of 2005. That sounds much more extravagant than it actually was; because I was a college student during that time, you can imagine that I spent a majority of those months drinking heavily. You of course would imagine incorrectly; the majority of that time was spent holed up in my apartment at school reading British Modernist literature and trying to steal cable.
The autumn is falling is the first record I made, and it features all of the mistakes and miscues I would and will ever hope to make. Some of them are happy accidents (the entire series of guitar solos on “Britney” are the result of wild incompetence) and some are not (all of the drums on the record are also the result of wild incompentence, but in a bad way).
In the end, it’s got a lot of songs I’m very proud of. In fact, depressingly enough, I occasionally have friends tell me “‘Music never lets me down’ is the best song you’ve done.” Thanks guys, good to know that constant writing and recording for the past three years has not been able to top the 90 second distraction that opens the first infantile piece of art I ever produced by myself. It’s all downhill from here, folks.
MUSIC NEVER LETS ME DOWN
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But I’m afraid
of what you said
in the bathroom
to my friend
Music never lets me down
I guess it’s true
Music never lies to me
but you do
CAN’T SAY
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What do you say to Bob Dylan?
Something unintelligible so he can understand
What do you say when you’re hidden
behind walls of sound and tanks of oxygen?
But I can’t say what I mean
I can’t say what I feel
What do you say when you’re tired
Of everybody laughing for no reason at all?
What do you say when you’re on fire?
It’s hard to be cool and calm
when you’re rolling on the floor
But I can’t say what I mean
I can’t say what I feel
The world is wide
the world is round
the world is live
What do you say when you’re dying?
Something wiser than you really ought to be
What do you say when you’re lying?
Can honesty be the best policy?
THE CLOSEST I’LL EVER COME TO NATURALLY DANCING
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Standing in the corner
looking cool but feeling bored
Watching all the people
watching me looking ignored
Good at unarriving
Looking good to be back home
I’d be more comfortable
if I was leaving alone
I am not a part of this
Smile
Photographic tourniquet
Staring down but smiling
waiting for the moon to set
hoping that it’s quiet
when I finally go to bed
Made of flu and candy
all my mornings feel the same
Worn, inspired but lazy
I prefer it just this way
I don’t know how it feels to
love
a crowd of faces in weary places
Eating fists of money
trying hard to see my hand
you laugh when it isn’t funny
and you like Dave Matthews Band
Teenage deep-friend frat boy
you exist because you don’t
yet when I try to hate you
I only give up control
YOU LEFT ME COLD
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Time’s up and my plane’s late
The bodies strewn on the runway
Who knew rain could cause delays
Her eyes slowly roll
His hands are red and cold
Lounge singer’s got no soul
tonight
The sun’s light is fading fast
the tires roll but nothing lasts
The pulse quickens and now it’s past
Her eyes gently close
The drums feel tired and slow
And oil slick, the fire grows
tonight
You left me cold
They bought and sold
And now I’m old
The stretchers stretched into the night
The flight left with the light
I never knew you could feel such spite
You were all I knew
Everything old feels so new
You said it hurt, it hurt me too
Tonight
OH LORD, MY TRAIN IS LATE
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Oh lord, my train is late
Oh lord, my train is not on time
It’s behind
Ain’t seen my baby since Valentines’
But it’s gonna be around
Oh lord, my sins are great
Oh lord, my sins are not my birth
For what it’s worth
Can’t see no way out except in the earth
But I’m gonna be around
I MADE THIS WAR FOR YOU
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Hey baby
let’s get out of this town
There’s a crowd
with a rope and a match
but we’ve got a car and a map
And I know it hurts
But I made this war for you
They bombed me
while I rocked the baby to sleep
I heard the fuse
and with it came the abuse
a prison guard with a noose
And I don’t care
I made this war for you
And some died
But I can’t stop them all
Some are disguised
As men we used to trust
The nails covered in rust
So I just sigh
I made this war for you
I can’t sleep
knowing what I know
There’s a disease
I’d kill it if I could
but my heart’s made of wood
I know
I made this war for you
Let’s move south
Paint our fence and plant our trees
Lighting
will hit everyone but us
On the back of the bus
I wouldn’t lie
I made this war for you
In the end
We all look the same
Eyes, ears
Nose mouth and a name
But then they stole my face
I guess it’s enough
I made this war for you
MY VIOLENCE
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A knife in the eye
A way to pay the bills
tactile thrills
Her tears won’t dry
They stain the ground around
The gag muffles the sound
I can’t take it back
A chair to the neck
the cartilage crack
a delicate snap
The thudding sound of dull cement
A fingerprint
An accident
I needed time
This waking life is far too weak
To take your time
is to gently bleed
I would take it back
But she won’t forget
The visceral gasp
that love doesn’t last
And now that you’re dead
and my lawyer got his fee
I’m tired and I’m spent
Wrapped your car around a tree
And then took it back
Your beautiful face
You’re all that I lack
But we’ve been erased
BRITNEY
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Is that girl twelve or twenty-one?
Is that girl too young for me to love?
Is that her dad or is that her man?
Is her mom a paid actress?
But she don’t lie to me
Is she a pawn or is she the queen?
Can she even sing at all?
Is her whole life a house of cards?
Are her hips insured for cash?
How many houses does she own?
Does she even have a home?
I bet she spends Christmas alone
asks for advice on the phone
from a psychic made of glass
But she don’t lie to me
BUT NOT ME
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Do you know the air
outside of these frozen walls
I feel that everyone’s left
and yet I’m always right
I’ve been in bed my whole life
along this sea floor
In this hazy ice age
I can’t get you off of my mind
Everybody lies
Everybody grows
Everybody smiles
But I can’t seem to find my ghost
I hear it’s raining tonight
In the midst of all this sun
My eyes are fixed on the light
that’s in my mind
It’s a beautiful day
out where the people roam
I haven’t felt my legs
and I can’t find home
Everybody lies
Some to themselves
Everybody dies
But not me
WAKE UP
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Everyone is waking up
Everybody’s worn and rough
Everybody’s tired and frail
Every time I make you mine
You run away and change your line
I make the mistake of aching
Hearts are breaking
Souls are shaking tonight
And I can’t be stopped
Every song that we did sing
Every word in the I ching
seems like a rusty brittle nail
Everybody takes his time
Every face and shoe shined
I make the mistake of seeing
ways of being
They all wait for me
And I can’t be stopped
I’ll make you make me
You’ll regret the way you left it
You’ll be sorry
I’ll be gone some day
Goodbye
THE KILL WILL DRUG YOU
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Found my war
Don’t know how or why for
I’ve got nothing to lose
Moving back home
Throwing my stones
Drinking wine all alone
And I’ll I get is no time
and I’m drunk at noon
Alibi
The drugs will kill you
The kill will drug you
Found my boor
Nobody’s got anything in store
You’ve got nothing to lose
Moving back home
Throwing my stones
Drinking wine all alone
And all we’ve got are cell phones
We give up too soon
A happy lie
the drugs will kill you
The kill will drug you
SUCROSE
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I’m in a bind
I’m in a place
Millions of eyes
So little space
Water is scarce
The people are drugged
My children are scared
Under the gun
under the sign
Billboards and cash
So little time
Sugars and rent
cancer for sale
Sucrose in tune
Diamonds in jail
We once had a way
to burn this place down
The verdict is in
All the poets are clowns
Under your thumb
Inder your tongue
Test market pies
Collapsing lungs
I’m frantic in love
machine gunning angst
I’ll steal all your hearts
I’ll rob all your banks
I’m bringing the pain
I’ll play till you bleed
A silly love song
to myself
BY THE SEA
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Everyone’s waiting for me
Capsized boats by the sea
By the sea
Everyone’s waiting
And suddenly I’m bound to see
the world that you left for me
But for now
I need a chance to dream
But I can’t make my brain sing
I am waiting
To call the phone
Me alone
Phones to ring
Birds to sing
for someone to call me
MTV
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Baby, why don’t we go back?
Baby, when did we go bad?
You sold yourself for drugs
to a bunch of thugs
You said you would always have my back
I guess that that was just a lie too
But that’s okay my dear, I lied to you
I said I would stay young
And that I would stay fun
I told you that I couldn’t grow a spine
But backs need scratching, sweet thing
And beasts eat red meat and preteens
And we’re seeing other people now
I’m with the girl and you the corporate cow
I would say it’s fake
And you tell me it’s too late
But I can’t forget that you once had my back
You said you would always have my back
Baby, why don’t we go back?
Baby, when did we go bad?